My life now is about being as productive and positive as humanly possible. If you don’t have an interest in sharing this with me, I don’t need you to pretend to be my friend. You go do your thing, and I’ll do mine. No hard feelings or judgments passed. I have a few quality friends, and they are more than enough.

Today I woke up and decided to take the final step in getting happy. And fuck, I will do it.

Let’s face the facts. Most of the time, you won’t get a second, third, or fourth chance. With friends, jobs, etc. It’s not easy. But it’s never too late to give yourself another chance, to tackle an obstacle, and to overcome something once and for all. I am not afraid to say, I am very proud of myself for finally creating an amazing path for myself, and setting myself up for success. I feel myself again, but a lot stronger. For the longest time, I leaned on my friends solely for support. They were my crutch. But I never leaned on myself. I never took the time to work on being happy. For some people happiness comes naturally, and obstacles are not too difficult to overcome. For me, this isn’t the case. I’m so glad I know what I want now, and I’m chasing after it, instead of focusing on things that will only bring me down.

I have been thinking about the connection between the two a lot lately. I have never admitted this to more than a select few people, never mind on a blog that many people will most likely read, but I have suffered with bulimia for nine or so years now. It started as a body image issue, but I have realized over the years that it is about so much more than that. It is an addiction that temporarily fills a void I subconsciously have inside me, and helps me “control” myself when I feel completely out of sync with my life. It’s as if food symbolizes any guilt I have, and releasing it makes me feel that much less guilty. It’s a sick, sick addiction. And after years of talking about it, and working my way through it, I am finally freeing myself of this addiction. But it’s not easy. It’s an every day struggle that some people will never understand. With it, I have let in almost anybody who is going to convince me I am physically attractive, even if it’s for a short period of time. And it ends up hurting me, and making me feel less of a person inside and out. This may make me seem weak. Some may think I’m trying to throw a pity party. I’m not. I just think it’s important to share your struggles, because someone else may relate. And you just might help that person conquer their own inner demons. It’s so important to know you are beautiful inside and out. And to learn from your addictions. Or simply learn from your mistakes. Keep control of your life, and when you feel yourself losing control, find the long-term solution. Not some short-lived high. Look for love in the right places. And love those who will love you for who you are, and not how you will benefit them.